I was jerked awake this morning at 4:20 am, with what I can only describe as a “download.” A sharp, sudden understanding that snapped my eyes open immediately. As soon as I understood, it started to slip away, I was dozy, still sluggish from sleep. I knew I had to write it down or it would be lost to me forever. I didn’t have a pen and paper handy and I was in no shape to go look for one. I grabbed my phone and opened a new note. This is what poured out of me; not really aware of what I was typing – it’s like I was there, but not.
This is what is says: “We unconsciously control our auras/magnetic fields. When our guard is up – it is a rigid bubble of protection. (Freeze response). When we relax, we release the barrier and it expands, allowing things to flow. When attempting to shift fields, it has got to be relaxed, not rigid. You want to allow the flexibility and ease to assist the transition from one state to the next. If it is held too rigidly, you aren’t going anywhere.” What an epiphany!
I am finding that I can offer very wise advice when writing, not so much while speaking unless someone gives me the time to actualize what I am attempting to get across. Some people never get it. Some people are not here to awaken, and it is futile to attempt to explain. They simply cannot comprehend what so many of us see and feel.
And yet… I still struggle with disappointment, frustration and live with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I am. currently living in a new city, without knowing anyone, except two co-workers I met six months ago. I am feeling extremely disconnected from my core friend group – our lives flow together and then apart and back again. I realize that they have full lives outside of the group as do I, but I still want that connection. Until something shocks my system, triggers the RSD, and we might as well be on different planets. I know, that none of them truly understand some of my “otherness”, my “wokeness.”
I think. I know. It’s time for me to expand and yet, dive deep.
It’s time to stop waiting, and hoping others will understand or treat me as I treat them.
Expand.
E. E. Wildwood 