I have reached and perhaps, surpassed, a breaking point within the last week. Which can only mean that it’s time to move up and onward. I have been with the same company for 18 and a half years. Several different roles, but still in the retail environment, and in the same location. Last Monday was it. I had had my fill. And then some.
I feel like we’ve been in “survival mode” for several years, and I detest it and how it makes me feel. In this sort-of post-pandemic employee shortage, my team of five has gone down to a team of two. It is physically impossible to complete the necessary work in order to make the whole thing function. Perpetually behind, and stressed to the max about it. I have high standards for myself and my team, and we are so lacking right now, it’s embarrassing.
“It’ll get better.” “We’ll get through it.” “We always do.” Things said to try and make me feel better. “We just need to get you more people.”
Monday, my team of five was down to me. I was trying to do the work of five. And the shit to do kept piling on and up. I was overwhelmed. I was frustrated. I was embarrassed. I felt like a sacrificial lamb being led to slaughter. I fought to keep the angry tears from falling. “I’m only one person! I can’t do fucking everything!” I cried. It fell on sympathetic ears, yet no one – not a single person – offered to take something off of my plate.
I had a job interview on Wednesday by telephone. I have a virtual call tomorrow, as another part of the selection process. It pays considerably more. It’s work from home. I would get to use my education. It’s perfect for me.
I would feel bad leaving my current position, just because I’ve been a cornerstone there for so long. For the most part, I love the people I work with. But I cannot THRIVE in a situation where all I am asked to do is survive. Where all my fighting has led to survival. I don’t want to feel the overwhelming stress every day. I don’t want to have to try and figure out the priorities of a mile-long list. I want to THRIVE. I want to be excited about my day. I want the energy to flow. I want to be happy and have my customers hear that in my voice because I can’t contain it.
E. E. Wildwood 