There are many things that I struggle internally with. The latest, is being kind to myself. What does that look like exactly? I’ve been working on my self-talk and really paying attention to what I say to and about myself. Which is a hard task, when the habit to put myself down has been ingrained from an early age.
I’ve just finished The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins and, of course, it’s brilliant. I love her conversational tone and the way it feels like she is talking directly to me. The Habit itself feels silly at first, until you start realizing that you are looking at a real person in the mirror. Would I treat a stranger the way that I have been treating myself? Hell, no! Would I say things like: You’re fat and disgusting – to a stranger? NO. So why do I curse myself this way? Yes, I need to work on bringing my weight down, but I should do it with love and kindness, instead of trying to brow-beat myself down to a comfortable weight.
I’m longing for a new position that I’ve applied for and it’s been nine weeks and I feel like I’m running out of hope and patience, but, again – the negative self talk creeps in. You won’t get it; don’t get your hopes up for something that will never happen; you’re going to be miserable at work forever… *DEEP BREATH* Time to flip it: They haven’t said no yet. You put yourself out there. You’ve let the universe know that you want something more. Opportunities will arise for you. It may not be what you are expecting, but it will be something you need. I’m craving change. A woman needs to re-invent herself every now and then, right?
Limiting beliefs and bad habits are a bitch to break and change. They become second nature and come unbidden. The fact that I have to work so hard to show myself some love is crazy. That I have to force myself to look in the mirror and say, “I’ve got your back”, is unfathomable. Of course, I should have my own back! Of course, I should be my own biggest cheerleader! Of course, I should be confident that I can take whatever life throws at me! I have until this point – and that was with all of the self-loathing. What can I accomplish now that I’m urging myself on? How far can I go? I should be giddy with excitement as I look toward the future.
So, thank you to Mel Robbins and The High 5 Habit, for showing me that it’s okay to love myself. It’s okay to celebrate myself. I am worthy of that love and affection. I’m worthy of that high 5 in the morning. I am more than worthy of treating myself the way I treat others – and my life will be all the better for it.
E. E. Wildwood 