Now, I’m one to believe that energy cannot be destroyed. That means, for me, there is more after we leave our bodies behind. Spirits, souls, what have you; I believe. At the same time; there is only one me. That is what makes me special. I have one shot at this crazy, unpredictable life and there are things that I want to do before my time is up. I’ve always felt that time is running out. I am the big 48. Almost 50. Old.
My maternal grandmother is alive and kicking. Living on her own at 98. She’s hip, my Nana. She’s on Facebook, Instagram and plays on her tablet most of the day; but, I digress. My mother, as you know, just passed away. She was 71. The Gods and Universe willing: worst case scenario: I have 20 years left. Best case? Another 50 years.
I want to travel to Greece and Italy and not have to worry about money. I want to be well known. I want to be thought of fondly. I want kisses that steal my breath. I want to be sexy again. I want to meet Dom Sherwood and not be nervous. I want to have a sit down conversation with Mel Robbins. I want to feel young and vital. I want my children to be proud of me. I want to live near water. I want to go to the Maldives and stay in a on-the-water bungalow. I want to come out as the witch I know I’ve always been. I want to inspire others to be authentic. I want to make a difference. I want to meet my online friends in person. I want to not feel like the third wheel or the afterthought. I want memories, not regrets. I want to be friends with all the celebrities I like.
I am full of hope that my very best days lay ahead, and yet? I want to weep for the time that I’ve feel I’ve already lost; that my bucket list will forever remain that; instead of a list accomplished.
Heavy thoughts for a Tuesday night.
E. E. Wildwood 